Karens Diner - Survival of the fittest.
Sheffield.
My wife had the brilliant idea of booking a table for us and some friends at Karen's Diner. We were curious to see if it lived up to its social media hype or if it was all just a big fuss.
Please note, there might be some colourful language ahead.
We got there at 5:45, fifteen minutes before our scheduled 6 pm mealtime.
*F**k off till 6 then. Go for a f**kin walk or something"
Well, that was quite the greeting. A stern face and a sassy comment. Undeterred, we took a little stroll and returned at 6, to which we were greeted with a sarcastic "You f**kin came back then." The hostess pointed us towards our table about 12 feet away, snatched up seven menus, and hurled them in the general direction of the table. "And you can f**kin pick them up"
I wasn't offended, of course. We knew it was all part of the act. But the looks on our daughters' and friends' faces were absolutely priceless. We picked up the menus, seated ourselves, and had a good laugh.
For our group of seven, we had a two-hour window for our meal, which already felt like it could be the longest two hours of our lives. We made a pact not to ask for anything too outlandish, like "hold the tomatoes on my burger" or anything else that might push the boundaries.
With our food choices decided, a waitress promptly appeared. "Drinks?" she asked with a straight face. We didn't want to play any games, so we ordered our drinks without any fuss. Off she went in a huff. The score was on.
The drinks arrived and were promptly slammed down on the table as the waitress spun on her heels and left. The next waitress came over, and I decided to engage in some playful banter. "Hello" I greeted her.
"What are you F**kin staring at?" she fired back. "Who are these three little b*tches?" she pointed at my daughter and her friends. More snarky remarks were thrown their way before we all placed our food orders.
Shortly after, our food arrived, and I have to say, those burgers were some of the best I've ever had. The sentiment was shared around the table as we all savoured every bite. As we enjoyed our meals, one of the waitresses pulled up a baby chair, perched on top of it, and just stared at us. I couldn't help but smile, which only made her curse under her breath as she stormed off, causing quite a ruckus with chairs and tables along the way.
Being in Karen's Diner felt like being part of a circus. You couldn't help but notice more people entering and leaving, with a shower of profanities thrown in their direction. It was quite the experience, to say the least!
During the course of the meal and afterwards, games were played as each table finished their meals. The waiter singled out a lady, instructing her to impersonate an animal while the rest of the restaurant guessed what she was mimicking. With arms near her mouth, she imitated an elephant, and someone shouted "elephant" The waiter, with a mischievous smile, turned to the woman and said, "When was the last time you saw an elephant on two legs? Get down on all fours and do it properly." She hesitated, mentioning the sticky floor, but the waiter insisted, "Get down and do it f**kin properly." And so, she did!
Next in line was the "Whose Birthday Is It?" game. Three guests, including one from our table, reluctantly got up and approached the front, with the waiter teasing them along the way. "Name?" the waiter demanded, while playfully mocking them. When he asked the young boy his name, the reply came as "Charlie," prompting the waiter to give me a knowing look and sniffle up. If you know, you know.
Various games ensued, including spin the wheel. It was soon our guests' turn, and they spun the wheel of fortune, landing on something like "catwalk." The challenge? They had to strut through the restaurant with three guests accompanying them, one of whom was my wife. And to top it off, they had to perform a "slutdrop." Oh my days! Finally, we all joined in singing "Happy Birthday," with a few cheeky word changes like "Happy Birthday f**k you, blah blah blah." As you can see, it's quite an entertaining experience.
Oh, I almost forgot to mention something hilarious that happened when we were there! Right at the beginning, the waitress informed us with a mischievous grin that they only accept cash tips. She even added, "And it better be a f**kin purple note!"
Lots more action & profanities take place, but I dont want to ruin it for you.
Now, let me answer your burning questions: Is it entertaining in a strange way? Absolutely! Is it a bit vulgar? You bet! Is it offensive? Well, yes, but in a way that somehow manages to bring out the laughter. It's a unique experience, that's for sure.
But let me tell you, amidst all the craziness, the one thing that's undeniably outstanding are the burgers. They are simply to die for! So, brace yourself for an unforgettable, slightly wild adventure with tasty burgers that will leave you craving for more.
As we were leaving, we couldn't resist the customary "thank you", to which we received a rather curt "F*ck off." I cheekily chimed in, "Well, I hope to see you again!" only to be met with a sassy "I f**king hope not."
"Now, go on, fuck off and let me get back to my job," they added with a playful wink.
Would I go again? Oh, definitely! It's an experience like no other.
Is it my cup of tea? Well, not exactly, but I have to admit, I did have a blast.
Oh, and by the way, we made sure to leave a cash tip. Got to show our appreciation for the unforgettable time!
And to top it all off, someone else in the restaurant decided to get down on all fours and do their best Donkey impersonation. It was a sight to behold!
The End. Now it's your turn to go and try it for yourselves. Trust me, it's a wild ride you won't want to miss!